Upside down

Or how my life changed completely in 24 hours…

I know I haven’t posted anything in months but in December my life changed so much in so little time that I felt really overwhelmed. And I had to deal with things one by one. So, here we are. This is not a book review or a meme post. This is just my life lately…

How everything began? In September I decided that I no longer feel happy with my current job, so I started going on interviews to find something better. Some place I could feel myself again. And thus two months later I found the company that felt right.

But my happiness was short lived because, the day I had to give my boss my resignation letter, my boyfriend for 9 years decided he no longer wanted us to be together. The stress of dealing with my boss was increased so much that I no longer felt sure in my decisions. Adding to that was also the fact that the said boyfriend a day later wasn’t actually sure how he feels and if he wants us to be together or not. So, I was ready to try to fix what’s between us, and we decided to give ourselves some time – time to think and sort out feelings.

I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep. I had an awful Christmas, birthday and New Year’s celebrations. I was so miserable that I often neglected myself, some days I completely forgot to eat and spend my day only on coffee and cigarettes. But I was going to endure. I was ready to fight for our relationship. Sadly, I was the only one. The day I had to start in the new company, he told me that he’s made his mind and wants us to end things and each of us should go our separate ways. Yeah, he had such timing…

At first, I fell in a hole…

The two of us had so many common friends and I didn’t want any of them to have to choose a side. But, as life is, sometimes disappointment is inevitable. I never thought that people I know for more than 10 years will turn their backs on me… We’ve been through so much. And when the relationship ended it felt like I stopped existing for them. It was eye-opening. Luckily, some of them stayed. Some of them were by my side at my worst and helped me climb out of that hole I was digging myself in. Some of them were always there even when I wanted them to go away, even when I wanted to be alone and miserable. They never left. And I love them for that. I never thought how much I’d need them during that period but they knew. And they were by my side. Anytime. Anywhere. My Friends.

So, little by little, I started getting myself together piece by piece. Friends helped a lot. With some I just went out for a coffee and actually had the time to catch up. Others took me on a road trip which was both fun and refreshing. I laughed so much and got to see some really beautiful places.

The new job also helped. I never thought I could meet so many nice people in such a short time. Because my new colleagues are amazing and I really love the new company and the new position. I’ve learned so much in the past few months and gradually started building my confidence again.

And now I have time for myself. My day is no longer work, grocery shopping, cooking and doing the dishes and laundry. I have time to think what I actually want to do in my free time. I painted my nails. I know it sounds funny but I haven’t used nail polish in years… And now I have that time. I also got to read so many books, which hopefully will end up reviewed on this blog. I have time to meet people, to go out and actually have fun. I have time for me. I have time to pet all the stray animals in the world!

Last week I met a guy – he’s a foreigner and was a candidate for a position in the company I work for. So, we started talking and ended up me being his tour guide through the city. I’ve never had so much fun. While walking around the city we talked about everything – the buildings, the culture, books, music, hobbies and even about live itself. We talked like we were lifelong friends although we knew each other for a couple of days. Or at least that’s how I felt. I just really enjoyed the company and our conversations. You know, just sometimes, when you meet a person for the first time and you think “Yes, that’s someone I can be friends with” and have no explanation why – you just click. And as he said, sometimes some things happen for a reason. And yes, all the things in my life happened for a reason. And I needed them – good or bad. Because that was the moment I started living again.

And coming to think about it, I don’t think I would’ve done all that walking and talking and traveling and reading and going out if all the things didn’t happened these months before. But they did. And now I’m here. And I do all these things. And I really enjoy myself. And now I feel ready to write more, to read more, to travel, to spend more time with my friends and to paint my nails.

And who am I? I’m just a 29-year-old girl on her way of discovering herself again.

See you soon.


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